What is perfectionism?

Clinical perfectionism—also known as unhelpful or maladaptive perfectionism—is defined as:

  • Excessively high standards (of self and/or others)

  • Rigid adherence to those standards

  • Self-worth being tied to the ability to meet those standards

  • Distress when those standards are not met

(Shafran & Mansell, 2001; Frost et al., 1990)

Maladaptive perfectionism, as I am going to refer to it from now on, is a combination of these factors.

There's actually nothing wrong with having high standards, just as long as you can be flexible with them.

It becomes a problem when distress is felt when the high standards are not met, or if they are perceived to be not met.

It is common for maladaptive perfectionism to be associated with anxiety disorders, OCD, eating disorders and depression. (Egan et al., 2011)

How it shows up

Maladaptive perfectionism can also show up differently in different people.

For one person, from the outside, they might appear very successful—a high achiever. They may climb the career ladder, have a carefully curated wardrobe and home, and feel highly motivated to keep being the best they can be. They might win awards and receive a lot of praise.

However, underneath is a belief along the lines of "the more I do, the better I will be" which fuels the motivation to continuously be the best, no matter the cost.

While for another person, perfectionism can look the complete opposite.

For example, they may keep themselves small, invisible, and hidden. They might avoid social gatherings or learning new skills or taking up new hobbies, not go for promotions, or career changes. They find themselves overwhelmed leading to procrastination. Their environment may be messy, cluttered and they may feel very unmotivated or disengaged.

Underneath this, there is a belief such as: “There's no point trying, I won’t succeed anyway.”

At the core, both types share the same underlying belief: “I am not good enough as I am.”

Two very different presentations of perfectionism, with the same core belief: that they are only worthy if they are “perfect.”

Hypnotherapy for Perfectionism

Maladaptive perfectionism can look like the following:

Internal experiences

  • Anger and irritability

  • Headaches

  • Anxiety and worrying about worst-case scenarios

  • Low mood

  • Low self-esteem

  • Self-criticism

  • High expectations of self and others

  • Ruminating on past conversations or mistakes

  • Shame

External (behavioural) patterns

  • Procrastination

  • People-pleasing

  • Overworking

  • Over-exercising

  • Skipping meals

  • Saying “yes” when you mean “no”

  • Excessive checking

  • Reassurance-seeking

  • Arguing with others

  • Hiding perceived weaknesses

  • Decision paralysis

  • Isolation

  • Avoiding certain people or situations

How I can help you using Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy

The first one or two sessions will focus on where perfectionism shows up (the context), how (the behaviours) and why (understand the function of the behaviours).

Often maladaptive behaviours are a result of avoiding difficult emotions or fusing with negative thoughts, so together we’ll look at ways you can learnt to accept difficult emotions and distance from negative thoughts whilst maintaining an sense of yourself as someone who experiences but doesn’t necessarily need to respond.

Once you have more awareness and have built a kinder relationship towards your struggle we look at ways in which you can commit to taking actions that are aligned with your values and the person you want to be in the world.

This bit can be challenging at first because there may be a lot of resistance to change and exposure to new experiences, so this is when hypnosis becomes helpful because you can ‘practice’ behaving differently, in hypnosis, before you actually go out and to do so in real-life.

We will agree on suitable small and manageable exposures so you can practice your new skills in the real world, I will be available for accountability support if you would like it.

The exposures will help to build your confidence as well as your ability to handle stressful situations.

Every client is different of course, but I expect to work with people between 4-8 sessions.

By the end of our work together you will have learn, practiced and developed a wealth of tools and practices that will help you in all kinds of situations where perfectionism shows up for you.

And this isn’t about getting rid of your perfectionism. Some perfectionist traits are genuine strengths — even a superpower. But when it gets too tight, too loud, or too suffocating, you'll learn how to loosen its grip.

Going beyond perfectionism is about balance. Knowing when to lean into it, and when to step back so it doesn’t take over and pull you away from what really matters.

Let’s start finding that balance in your life.

Are you ready to…

  • Start a friendly conversation and learn to meet yourself with compassion and not judgement?

  • Understand the function of behaviours you want to change, so you can finally begin to change them?

  • Unhook from the thoughts, rigid rules, unhelpful stories and inherited beliefs that have kept you fixated or "entranced" and get "entranced" by positive narratives about yourself?

  • Stop worrying about what others think and put your own wants, needs and wellbeing first?

  • Increase your ability to focus on and stay with what's actually important to you, even if it feels uncomfortable, because what’s important to you MATTERS?

  • Use self-hypnosis to break the old behavioural and cognitive loops and start new ones, ones of your own choosing?

  • Find joy in actions without getting hung up on the outcome?