Hypnotherapy for Perfectionism

What is perfectionism?

Clinical perfectionism—also known as unhelpful or maladaptive perfectionism—is defined as:

• Excessively high standards (of self and/or others)

• Rigid adherence to those standards

• Self-worth being tied to the ability to meet those standards

• Distress when those standards are not met

(Shafran & Mansell, 2001; Frost et al., 1990)

Maladaptive perfectionism, as I am going to refer to it from now on, is a combination of these factors.

There's nothing wrong with having high standards, just as long as you can give yourself some grace when you make a mistake or when things don’t turn out the way you had hoped.

Perfectionism is a problem when distress is felt when high standards are not met, or if they are perceived to be not met.

How it shows up

Maladaptive perfectionism can also show up differently in different people.

For one person, from the outside, they might appear very successful—a high achiever. They may climb the career ladder easily, have a carefully curated wardrobe and home, and feel highly motivated to keep being the best they can be. They might win awards and receive a lot of praise and admiration.

However, underneath the outside success is a belief along the lines of "I should do more; the more I do, the better I will be," which fuels the motivation to continuously be the best, no matter the cost.

For another person, perfectionism can look the complete opposite.

For example, they may keep themselves small, invisible, and hidden. They might avoid social gatherings, learning new skills or taking up new hobbies, not put themselves up for promotions, or career changes. Their appearance and environment may be disordered, messy, cluttered, and they may feel very unmotivated or disengaged, leading to procrastination.

Underneath this, there is a belief such as: “There's no point trying, I won’t succeed anyway. No one will like me.”

At the core, both types of perfectionists share the same underlying belief: “I am not good enough as I am.”

Two very different presentations of perfectionism, with the same core belief: that they are only worthy if they are “perfect.”

External (behavioural) patterns

• Procrastination

• People-pleasing

• Overworking

• Over-exercising

• Skipping meals

• Saying “yes” when you mean “no”

• Excessive checking

• Reassurance-seeking

• Arguing with others

• Hiding perceived weaknesses

• Decision paralysis

• Isolation

• Avoiding certain people or situations

How I Work with Perfectionism

Perfectionism rarely looks the same in every person. So we begin by exploring together how it shows up in your life — in which situations, in which behaviours, and why those patterns may have made perfect sense once, even if they're keeping you stuck now.

Often what looks like perfectionism on the surface is actually a way of protecting yourself from difficult emotions — from the discomfort of uncertainty, judgement, or not being enough. Rather than trying to fight or eliminate those feelings, we learn to be with them differently. To acknowledge difficult emotions without being overwhelmed by them. To notice unhelpful thoughts without taking them as truth. To remember that you are the one who has thoughts and feelings — not the one who is them.

From there we look at what truly matters to you — your values, the person you want to be — and begin taking small, meaningful steps toward living in greater alignment with that.

This isn't about expecting yourself to never struggle. Struggle is human, and we plan for it. Being prepared for the moments when perfectionism gets loud means you can choose a more skilful response, rather than being pulled back into old patterns without realising it.

This is also where hypnosis becomes quietly powerful. It gives you a safe space to practise responding differently — to rehearse a new way of being before you have to live it in the real world. Think of it as a dress rehearsal!

We move at your pace, with small and manageable steps that feel stretching but not overwhelming. And if you need support between sessions, I'm available for that too.

Most people find that four to eight sessions give them a meaningful and lasting shift — though every person's journey is their own.

This work isn't about getting rid of perfectionism.

Some perfectionist traits — like many highly sensitive traits — are genuine strengths. Your attention to detail, your high standards, your deep care. These are not things to lose.

But when perfectionism gets too tight, too loud, too suffocating — when it starts making decisions for you, pulling you away from what really matters — that's when it's time to loosen its grip. To soften into the wiser, quieter part of you. To let you lead, rather than perfectionism leading.

This is about finding balance. Knowing when to lean into those high standards, and when to step back and breathe.

Let's start finding that balance together.